definition of deserving:
qualified for or having a claim to reward, assistance, etc., because of one's actions, qualities, or situation:
One of the things I say to the women I invite to The BeYoutiful Project, is that they are deserving of the day.They may not feel like they are, but I want them to leave feeling that they are deserving and worthy.
I think a lot of women struggle with their self worth. We feel that we don’t deserve the best. Growing up in a household full of men (I was the only girl and the youngest) I observed my mother cater to my father and cater to my brothers. Giving her all. I would observe my mother dish out the best of the food she prepared every single night, first to my father, then my brothers, then me and she would have whatever scraps was left over or if nothing was left she would whip something up from whatever was leftover from previous meals. She made sacrifices as many mothers do. If someone gives her a gift or wants to do something nice for her, she never happily accepts it. She actually complains. I never understood why and it would make me so angry. How could you not be appreciative of someone trying to do something nice for you?
Tonight, I received from my BeYoutiful Project team, the most beautiful and thoughtful card filled with kind and heart warming words. Oh and then inside the card… the multiple spa gift cards!? Wow. I broke down in big tears tonight (and those who know me, I don't like to do that very often) because I truly believed that I was not worthy of such love, generosity and kindness. My immediate thought was, Why? Why would they say all this ? Why would they do this? And for me? I am not deserving of this!
As I was driving home, it hit me. I have now, for a moment, stepped into the shoes of the 53 women who have attended the BeYoutiful Project event in the past 3 years. I now understand why some were quiet. I now understand why some couldn’t freely accept the love and kindness we showed them. I now understand why some cried uncontrollably. And I now understand why my mother never happily accepted gifts. It’s because we don’t think we deserve it. As I type this, I realize that I too struggle with self worth. I realize that I need to change that. I realize that, this year, I need to embark on a new journey. And that is to truly believe that I am deserving of love, deserving of kindness, deserving of people’s generosity, deserving of people’s appreciation, deserving of successes, deserving of good things, and much more! We all are! Thank you to all the women on my team for believing that I am deserving! I will forever keep this beautiful card as a reminder of that.